you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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