this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
