After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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