The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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