He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
