Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
