It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
