so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
