Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
