My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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