Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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