I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize