She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
