you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
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He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
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All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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