I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
