After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
