"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
