How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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