I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
