someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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