she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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