Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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