I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
