Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
