Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
