so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
