Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
