we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
