you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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