I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
