I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize