It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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