Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
