i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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