9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I wear drunk well.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
