he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Every concussion has its silver lining
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
