Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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