I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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