standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
