Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
