she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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