hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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