porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
