Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.