when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
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Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
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Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes