Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
