I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
