the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
