Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
