Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
