So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
