So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
