I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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