dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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