The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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