You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
