It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
