Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You ruined the universe
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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