I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
