I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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