Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
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you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
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