He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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