Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
