Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
