somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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