Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
