She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Life is so much better after having sex.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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