my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
