You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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