I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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