I'm laying in your front yard are you home
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
