Soap is not a condiment
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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