Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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